I don’t want to grow up-can’t I just grow down or back or something?!?!
I’m in a season right now where I would say it’s very hard to have a daughter with disabilities. Those of you who know S know her to be a sweet loving, kind-hearted young girl. That’s true and I am so thankful for that-especially in these seasons when it’s hard to keep moving forward. I’d rather just move backward, actually. To the days when all we had to do was swing and watch VeggieTales and I could read to her all day. The time before her peers would stare at her and wonder “what’s wrong with that girl”? The age when she was innocent enough to not worry what others thought and be bogged down by thoughts of giving up and going to Jesus, where “there are no Dr.’s!”.
Why am I here, in these thoughts now?
Some of you know that S, amidst her breaking four bones in her foot, amputated the top inch of her finger in a terrible accident involving a lawn chair at our cabin over Labor Day weekend. I haven’t shared much of this traumatic life event with people-just close friends and family. Her finger is healing now-after many many tears, angry fits of rage, surgery and lots and lots of trips to Children’s Hospital Colorado and cries of injustice for a little girl who has already suffered so much.
It’s strange to me that although I was emotionally exhausted over the last two months I seem to be hitting a wall now. Now that the Dr.’s visits have 4 weeks in between each other, her nail has grown back and actually has sparkly red paint on it and she’s not crying herself to sleep every night…I continue to wander. I’m not completely gone, just overwhelmed in a sea of thoughts and emotions. We’ll get through this. God is good and I am thankful to have Him to go to in times like these.
Growing up is way harder than they let on.