Activity-kids, Motherhood, Uncategorized

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

I don’t want to grow up-can’t I just grow down or back or something?!?!

I’m in a season right now where I would say it’s very hard to have a daughter with disabilities. Those of you who know S know her to be a sweet loving, kind-hearted young girl. That’s true and I am so thankful for that-especially in these seasons when it’s hard to keep moving forward. I’d rather just move backward, actually. To the days when all we had to do was swing and watch VeggieTales and I could read to her all day. The time before her peers would stare at her and wonder “what’s wrong with that girl”? The age when she was innocent enough to not worry what others thought and be bogged down by thoughts of giving up and going to Jesus, where “there are no Dr.’s!”.

Why am I here, in these thoughts now?

Some of you know that S, amidst her breaking four bones in her foot, amputated the top inch of her finger in a terrible accident involving a lawn chair at our cabin over Labor Day weekend. I haven’t shared much of this traumatic life event with people-just close friends and family. Her finger is healing now-after many many tears, angry fits of rage, surgery and lots and lots of trips to Children’s Hospital Colorado and cries of injustice for a little girl who has already suffered so much.

It’s strange to me that although I was emotionally exhausted over the last two months I seem to be hitting a wall now. Now that the Dr.’s visits have 4 weeks in between each other, her nail has grown back and actually has sparkly red paint on it and she’s not crying herself to sleep every night…I continue to wander. I’m not completely gone, just overwhelmed in a sea of thoughts and emotions. We’ll get through this. God is good and I am thankful to have Him to go to in times like these.

Growing up is way harder than they let on.

La Gringa

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8 thoughts on “Growing Up Is Hard To Do

  1. Anonymous says:

    Having a child with a special need is tough! Especially when they want and need their independence. It’s difficult for us to leave our children in the care of others unless they understand the severity of food allergies. Some people just don’t get it and unless they walk in our shoes, daily……we can’t expect others to really understand

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  2. Aunt Karen says:

    Oh, precious Lori, I am hugging you in my heart as tears are flowing down my cheeks. I wish I could be there to hold you and try to make it better! But better still is Jesus wanting to cradle you in His arms, to bring comfort to your aching heart. I know you know that, but sometimes we forget how much he wants to “to make it all better”, and He will. (Is your “Jesus Calling” book handy? ) I will be praying for your spirit to be lifted and that you will be overwhelmed by His Peace and His comfort, and for S as well, for her spirit to be uplifted a peaceful! God Bless you! So thankful that your parents will be home tomorrow! Love you so very much!!!

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    • Aunt Karen, You are so sweet. Thank you for your precious words! It means so much that you care and thought to write/comment. Yes, I am looking forward to seeing my parents tomorrow. And thanks for the “Jesus Calling” reminder! Getting that out right now! Love and miss you!

      Lori

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  3. Gina Seamans says:

    Hello Lori. I’m so sorry to hear that life has been tough for both you and sweet S. I had no idea! Obviously, you and I need to spend some time catching up and encouraging each other.

    I’m not sure if I ever told you this, but you can share it with S if you want. I also lost the tip of a finger when I was in fifth grade.

    Actually, it was the summer before 6th grade. I slammed my finger in a sliding glass door. It was very scary! My parents weren’t home and Teresa was in charge. There was blood everywhere. She wasn’t sure what to do so she took me to the sink and ran cold water over it while she called my grandparents who lived just up the road (no cell phones then!). When Grandma and Grandpa got to the house, my finger was still under the cold water and Grandma realized what was happening – the flesh from the tip of my finger was going down the drain! She and Grandpa rushed me to the hospital with my hand wrapped in an ice filled cloth, which was bright red by the time we arrived at the ER. Turns out the bone was cut clear through and I had lost all the flesh at the tip of my finger. But my nail bed was okay. After getting 10 shots in my finger (the worst pain ever!), a hand surgeon inserted a pin to hold the bone together and gave me 20 stitches. Mom and Dad arrived just before the surgery – which was done bedside (not really “under the knife”). Like Sarah, I had terrible pain while it healed. My summer was ruined! My sole focus was attending a weeklong gifted-and-talented camp at UNC in August. I could only go if the pin and the stitches were out.

    The day before I was to leave for UNC, we went to the doctor for the “removal.” My surgeon had an emergency, so only a nurse was available. She wasn’t authorized to inject nerve deadening shots – she could only use topical medicine. So I suffered through excruciating pain that made my mom cry like a baby while the nurse cut the tip of my finger, grabbed the pin with tweezers and pulled it out of my now-healed bone. It was horrendous! But I pressed through it knowing that I would get to go to summer camp.

    Today, my left index finger is about ½ inch shorter than the right one. I have no flesh padding on the tip so I need to keep a longer nail on that finger to protect it. It is the first finger to get cold and the last one to warm up. The cuticle is a little funny, but not bad. It aches when the weather is changing. But most people have no idea that it ever happened.

    We will all keep S and your family in our prayers. I will personally meditate on the Beatitudes on yours and S’s behalf. I particularly like the first section – Blessed are the poor in spirit for the kingdom of heaven is theirs. Of course the poor in spirit are not those lacking faith. Rather the opposite. It is those who know that they can do nothing without God, and for whom God is especially tender toward.

    Sending you the riches of love,

    Your short-fingered friend

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    • Oh Gina-I had no idea!!
      Sounds like you and Sarah had very similar experiences! Her bone wasn’t damaged as badly-although it was chipped. I will share this story with her-well, with maybe a slightly less intense version : )
      I think the combination of this happening to Sarah, along with her other many challenges, is what has been the hardest. She’s kept saying, “Mom, I’m unique enough. I don’t want my finger to be different, too!”.
      I owe you a dinner-or was it cheesecake or cupcakes or??? from this summer. Let’s get that on the books!
      Love you, too!
      p.s. I love your writing!

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  4. Oh Lori! I am so sorry you are all going through this long season of struggles. I do look forward to the day God reveals to us why all of this “stuff” happened in our lives and the lives of those that we love so so very much. He has a plan for your sweet daughter. As if being a girl wasnt hard enough! I will pray for all of you. Sending love and bunches of hugs.

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  5. Susanna says:

    Lori, I know you are feeling this now because you are such a good mom — your first goal was helping S get through her pain and so you shoved yours aside. Now that you can take a breather, bam! your emotions demand some attention, too. It isn’t easy growing up and it isn’t easy being a mother, but you are both lucky to have each other. Look how much you are both learning. Or at least, someday, you will be able to look back and see it, hopefully with a smile and a hug.

    p.s. Gina, great story, well told.

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  6. Lori, I want to hug you right now- right here– and say even though it’s hard, I will stay with you here until the Lord moves you one direction or another.
    I don’t think any of us were thinking “What’s wrong with S” when the kids were making snowballs, or writing poetry today. She is a beautiful person and a good friend, and I think that’s how my kids see her.
    And PS I think the cows are west of the DAM. xoxo

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